The surprising reality of how teenage girls still define themselves
The surprising reality of how teenage girls still define themselves
A colorful felt-tip sign pinned to the door of a private room declares “GIRLS ONLY,” “Boy’s don’t Eneter!” [sic], and adds a playful twist with “don’t worry boys!” The board is adorned with hearts and stars, creating a whimsical backdrop as a dozen girls at DRMZ youth club in Carmarthen, Wales, dive into a spirited card game. Their chatter is lively, and pizza is soon ordered, setting the scene for a conversation that would become a cornerstone of my Radio 4 series, *About The Girls*.
For this project, I interviewed approximately 150 girls, the majority aged 13 to 17, uncovering shared themes that resonated deeply. The girls at that table, with their wit and insight, encapsulated the spirit of these discussions. They spoke of their aspirations, like “I would like to have a fridge that you can have a vase in… And be a doctor!”, their unwavering bond with friends, and their understanding of family responsibilities, such as “I go to town to top up my Nan’s electric. I love looking after her.”
Our discussion meandered between the card game, school dramas, favorite teachers, and social media trends. A recurring debate centered on whether there were enough Cheese Feast slices to share. The answer was yes, but the broader point was more profound: girls still define themselves largely through the lens of boys. This pattern became strikingly clear as they responded to the question, “What is it really like to be a girl in 2025/26? Tell me the truth, don’t be polite!” with answers that almost always began with, “Well boys think/say/want/feel….”
“Growing up as a girl,” said one, “so much of that is about how boys are behaving around you and what they’re doing to you. So there isn’t really a way to talk about that without mentioning boys… and it is frustrating.”
Reflecting on the project, I was mindful of the cultural backdrop—Covid-19, #MeToo, and the influence of Andrew Tate. These factors had heightened the urgency of exploring how teenage girls perceive themselves. The irony was that, despite their openness, many noted their behavior changes when boys are present. They described avoiding being seen as “too much,” “too loud,” or “weird,” striving to remain “smaller and quieter” in mixed company.
“They almost always began by referencing boys’ perspectives, such as ‘Well, boys think/say/want/feel…’.”
Alison Harbor, the youth center manager, observed the girls’ candor with delight. “The boys at the club are quite vocal and confident in sharing their views,” she remarked. “Today, the girls were the same! My worry is that they usually internalise a lot of their troubles…”
Dr. Ola Demkowicz, a senior lecturer in the psychology of education at the Manchester Institute of Education, has also explored this phenomenon in her research. She noted: “There is certainly a pressure we heard from young women around that—really translating into the need to be polite and respectful, and the feeling that behavior expectations are imposed on them.”
